Thursday, November 8, 2007

Problem that every girl thinks they want

What do you do when you have several boys that say they are in love with you?

When you have two very different men saying they will follow you where ever you go... to the ends of the earth if they must.

What do you do when your heart aches to hurt one of them but by standing by doing nothing you know that somehow you are doing just that?

My heart hurts, my head is worried. What a problem to have! Having boys follow you around pining. I don't want to be pined after. Shouldn't I be the one pining? I am the girl. I guess it goes both ways.

My best friend wants to be that girl that a boy dreams of. that all he thinks about. that his heart aches for.

I guess I want that too. I just want it to be mutual. I wish I could love them both. But at this point, today I'm not sure I can love either of them. Not like they deserve. I'm just a girl. I'm not all that special. I mean, I'm unique. I'm powerful. I love. But... Surely I'm not what these men are looking for. I am not perfect. Far from it. But then... we all are.

I should talk it over with someone. I feel bad enough about the situation. How do I ask for advice when the problem I see I have just sounds conceited? That I'm full of myself.

*sigh* Perhaps I'm just not ready to be in love...

Being Female

Girls are spectacular creatures. I should know, I am one.

I've tried denying it for a long time. And I still do from time to time. I've always resisted all those qualities in women that drive me up the wall.


I don't know. I rather feel like embracing it all. It seems like that is the only way I can be satisfied with myself. Why am I fighting what I am? I can manage those things I view as faults.

It's ok to cry, sometimes.