Don't ignore me.

PostSecret

So hopefully I can write honestly here. My mind is always thinking, pondering, wondering of the facts of my world. I know when I talk I sound disjointed. My thoughts never connect just right in my mouth.

And it always.

Always.

Sounds better in my head.

But somehow, on paper. It works better. Like my fingers understand better than my mouth does.

At least that's what I keep telling myself so I feel a little less like a dumbass when, once again,, someone laughs at something I say because it came out all wrong.

I like to think I write well. Though sporatically. And when I feel comfortable enough to write honestly that's when it comes out beautifully.

I don't just want to write about my days. I do that enough on my other blog. And there is nothing of value from just a catalog of my doings. My life just isn't that exciting. It just isn't. So I have to go a bit deeper. Dig a little further. Make my words count.

I've always wanted to be the kind of person that doesn't waste words. That when I talk, it means something and people listen. Though sadly, I don't believe that to be the case. I waste words all the time.

I'm easy to ignore.

I've missed the point somehow. My words just blend into that buzz, that white noise of everything no one cares about and is ignored.

What comes out of my mouth isn't deep.

Isn't meaningful.

Isn't even helpful most of the time.

And maybe what my fingers type isn't any better, but I like it.

And isn't that what art is anyway?

I'm not saying I'm exceptional. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels just like this.

Just...

I guess what I'm trying to get out is

Don't ignore me. Give me a chance.

I want to make a difference.

I want to change the world.

Introduction

So in case you're wondering... This blog has moved. (to here...not away from)I've missed having a place to write for myself. I have another blog where I update my family about my goings'-ons but I don't feel free enough to let myself write about what I want. Isn't that always the trouble with blogs. I don't care who reads this. I just don't want to know because that will hinder the whole process I think. It may not. It depends on the person I think. It's been a whole year since I've written as Silver on Unconquered Mountains so there is a lot missing like how I'm no longer in Georgia but in California. Closer to M. Farther away from my prissy ex-boss. Farther away from everything else familiar.

How I got away and so on might come up in another post. Who knows. I failed to make a new years resolution this year due to lots of things I'm not going to bring up now but I'm going to make one now. My new years resolution is to write in here when I feel like it and as often as possible. I need an outlet for some of my emotions. And writing works for me. So this is where I am. But my internet connection where I live leaves something grand to be desired so I can only post when that is available.

No one's real names will be used and you may think I am talking about you it may be possible but like as not I'm not.

But here's the truth. I need all the support I can get to keep this thing afloat. I know part of that is keeping myself writing. It's the only way to get people to read. But let me tell you, it's hard to write without an audience. At least for me.

Also... just to get this out of the way. Some of the pictures I use on this blog are my photos some are not. Those that aren't I've picked up from various sites and at deviantart. As I can I post the original artist but I may not always be successful since I have saved a lot of art on my computer sans names and have long since forgotten where I got them at. So forgive me if I use something I shouldn't and let me know and I will replace it. Consider my blog a work of art, for I am a bit of an artist. It's just, for this particular piece, I chose to use mixed media (think collage).

Wish me luck. I'm trying again.

So here goes nothing.

I submit this for approval to you, my audience.

New Job: Week 2

It's getting better. Boss Lady acknowledges my presence a bit more. English Lass and I have become friends. i'm still not ok with the roomate situation at the moment however. I haven't had much time away from her. i need some time alone.

The tears that have been building over the last two weeks finally broke the dam today. I didn't get to ride and that triggered it. It seems a bit childish but it was just everything that was bothering me coming to a head. Luckily the barn was empty and I could just bury my head in the horse's side and sob while Boss Lady and English Lass were showing horses to prosepective buyers. I need a friend outside of work around here but with these hours its not like I have time to get away from the barn or camper to socialize. Even if I had time, I probably wouldn't have the energy.

On the brightside the horses have monday off. Which means I have a day off. Kind of. I still have to feed and such but at least I can relax a bit more.

It is getting better.

I have a our legged friend who follows me around and sleep in my bed with me.

I bought him a ball. He's addicted to the thing.

Venting: Week 1 of New Job

I'm not enjoying Florida so much. I'm just not feeling welcome really. It's not that Boss Lady and English Lass aren't nice. They are. I just feel like a neglected dog that gets the occasional hello and pats on the shoulder when they notice I'm there.
Don't mind me. I'm just working my ass off for you. That's all.
They both love to talk. A lot. and it really doesn't matter if anyone is actually listening. But I do listen. And when I say something, it usually gets shot down for like ten minutes when a simple 'no' would do.
I know it's because I'm new and I'm under a lot of stress but I really just want to go home. I want a hug.
I've been fighting tears all day for no good reason. I cant wait until I get paid. Maybe then I'll feel some validation and satifaction. I think I would even be content to be back in Georgia. I miss my own space. This sharing a camper deal isn't nice. Especially since the couch/futon bed I'm in is the most uncomfortable thing I've ever been on. And now I'm expected to fold it up every morning... sigh...
English Lass can't even get to the barn on time ANYTIME. It's so frustrating. So I do most of the work just because I want to be done before five. These ten hour days are going to kill me. I would rather get the work done early all at once and then taking a break the rest of the evening.
...

Heavy

I'm so exhausted from working ten hour days nonstop for the last four days.

I can't wait until my body gets used to this life.

I've reached the point of exhaustion where everything threatens to make me cry. All my limbs feels about ten pounds heavier than they should be. And yet, I can't relax enough to fall asleep when I do get a break. And we're leaving for a show tomorrow.

God save me.

Moved

I'm all moved in my cozy little one room apartment. It's super tiny but its a space all my own. Tacky covers and all. Now if I could just get internet... I will soon. Hopefully...
Anyway, this is a super short post on my workmates computer since she has internet. and a slightly larger apartment with a real stove. Not that I'm jealous or anything. And I'm not actually. Except for the internet.

Moving Up and Out

I'm leaving tomorrow.

My car is almost packed.

Seriously, there are suitcases and boxes lining the roof of my car. I just hope I don't have to make any sudden stops or all my stuff will fly from the back of my car to crash into the back of my head .

Wish me luck.