Its been so long. Life went on with out my documentation of it. Without me needing to put my feelings out on paper. Able to express most everything I needed to. Everything else was just a passing fancy. Mostly.
I can't believe its been three years since I've posted. Lets see if I can't catch up.
I'm back with M. Its better. Still a battle sometimes, but show me a relationship that isn't, at least once in a while, a battle. Communication is better. Sex is more prevalent. I get my space.
I do less hiding. I do more living.
We bought a bed. A big bed.
It feels a lot like commitment without the whole ring and married thing.
The married thing. I'm not sure about all that. Somedays, I wish it would just happen. That he would ask, and I'd say 'yes' and we'd live happily ever after...
But then I think, really think, I don't know that I can do that. I don't know - even now - that this is right. I do know that its easy. And comfortable. And lovely.
But not really, a lot of spice. I like spice. Not on my food but in my life. But with spice, comes drama.
And I hate drama.
Thus my conundrum.
Without spice, comfortable sounds like boring. Easy sounds lazy. Lovely sounds more like an insult. Love becomes a four letter word.
Gah. When did I get so jaded? Hahaha