Monday, April 27, 2009

This is my three...

So everyone says bad things happen in threes. Well, thanks to my truck getting broken into sometime last night by busting my passenger side window open and stealing my Ipod and transmitter, I have given fate my three.
First, a toothache from hell which needed a root canal immediately. (I only put this first because it started first)
Second, I was fired from my job for reasons I'm still unsure I totally understand.
And now this...

My truck was locked and alarm set (but apparently the alarm didn't go off, or maybe it did but no one heard it). I walked out to my truck 30 minutes before I was supposed to be at work (my first day.. first day, people!!) and saw the shattered glass. I'm not entirely sure what I did next but I'm sure it involved a few epithets of fame before walking back across the complex while dialing the number to my brand new job. It was my first day. And I had to show up late.
Sigh. They were cool about it though. Thank goodness.
Called the police who apparently aren't open on Monday's in this city. Since when does the whole flipping station get a day off?!?! I ended up having to fill out a report online. Called the insurance, and filed a claim. The boy was so very kind to wake up and drive my truck to the shop 30 minutes away to get it fixed as I went to work. It's fixed, but sadly I won't be getting my ipod or transmitter replaced or at least not until I pay off some of these other incidents of my run of bad luck.

I've paid my dues now, oh mother/father of the universe and dealer of destiny. Can't you leave me alone now?
At least for a little while, so I can finish picking up the pieces.

Sunday, April 26, 2009


So... I have a new job.
and I'm totally unexcited about it. It's not that I've gotten used to not working in the last two weeks. I just feel like I got burned so bad this last time. I'm wondering if it's worth the effort to give my all for a job again.
I've always been a bit of a work-a-holic. I've always loved my job. If I stopped loving it, I swore I would quit. And I did.
But I worked really hard at this one. Tried to make things better. And got continually put down and hurt for it. Any extra initiative I took was displayed as idiocy and I was yelled at and cut down. So much of me is tied to my job. My work ethic. If I'm told I'm not doing a good enough job, I take it that I am not good enough.
I hurt. This is worse than a bad breakup.
Maybe it's just safer to not love my job. I guess I know why people try not to fall in love with anything. It always hurts.


People leave notes to themselves all the time on post-its. Or at least they used to. Now they do things like this:

But I digress... Over at No Ordinary Rollarcoaster, there was a contest about what reminders you could put up for yourself on a post it.
One that seemed particularly good for me was:

"A job doesn't define you. especially when you no longer have one"
Though, I do have a job now. (just in time, too) and even a place to live (with the boy). It still seems like a good thing for me especially to keep in mind since so much of me is tied up to my work ethic.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Life's a bitch...

Sorry I fell off the edge of the world...

I was fired from my job.
I'm in recovery mode... Trying to get all my pieces back in order.

I lost my job and I find out I need a root canal like now all in the same two days.
Life's a real BITCH sometimes.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Stupid toothache

Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend. I'm very jealous if you had the time off and got to spend it as you choose.
I have a ridiculous toothache that ruined a perfect prime rib dinner for me. All I could eat without flinching was the mashed potatoes... and those were lumpy (just the way I like them, sans toothache) making even that hard to enjoy.
I'm going to pop a pretty pink pill and go to bed and hope I don't need to find a dentist in this god-forsaken valley tomorrow.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Lack of inspiration

I'm doing a little work on the blog while the internet is still treating me well. I will write a post worth reading in the near future (hopefully!). Not that you all don't thoroughly enjoy my rambling on about how stupid work is (gag!). I don't even like writing about it. Why do I do it?
It has to come out somewhere.
As it is, feel free to sift through my older posts that are at least decent prose while I hunt up a bottle of wine and a good book:
Losing Control
Beautiful Stranger

Mutual feeling.

I didn't want to leave the boy yesterday and drive the three hours back to the ranch. I didn't want to go to work this morning.
Apparently work felt the same way. Nothing bad happened. It's just I wasn't useful, I was given busy work then dismissed. Out of sight, out of mind, I think.
Does wonders for my confidence, let me tell you. *rolls eyes*
Oh well. It's over now. Now I can go back to bed and try again tomorrow.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Trading bridges for those million parachutes

I had big plans for my day off today.

Then I saw something shiny and my productive day went downhill from there.
But at least, it was a good day off.

As I've mentioned, I've been feeling very homesick. Things haven't been going as smoothly as I would like at work. I seem to always be doing something wrong and getting in trouble, being made to cry. But you all have heard me vent enough, here, lately so I won't continue now.

In any case, a song came on my ipod while I was driving to town.
A Million Parchutes by Sixpence None the Richer. She seems to be in the very place I want very much to be in. And I seem to be exactly where she wants to be.

Like a million parachutes
The snow's coming down
I'll lock up the front door
And turn the lights down
In the glow of the street lights
I see them descend
Like a million parachutes
Small men on a mission

I miss the warmth
And I miss the sun
I miss the ocean
I miss everyone
And I miss the bridges
That span across the bay
Tonight, it seems like ages ago

Like a million parachutes
the snow still falls
The dogs are asleep now
There's no one to call
I'll put on some records
And wait for the light
Under those million parachutes
Now a blanket of white.
I wonder if when I go back home, I will miss this place.
Will I miss the warmth?
Will I miss the sun?
Will I miss everyone?

It is beautiful where I am. The sun is shining, the weather's warm.
The ocean is so close and the sight leaves me speechless and peaceful with each visit.

But I miss everyone. I miss having friends to fall back on. I miss having a shoulder to cry on.
It does seem like ages ago I had that luxury.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

First Kiss?

I was in my senior year of high school when I got my first kiss. Though, I'm not entirely sure you could even call it a kiss.
My first (and only) boyfriend. (that's right, this is the boy) Though we didn't define it as such. Come to think of it, we avoided all labels like that. We were 'going out' as the fashion was then. (gosh, I say that like I'm old or something.)
(I mean I certainly feel old with everyone I know getting married and having babies and such, but that's an entirely different post. And seriously, Fresh Prince on Nick at Night?? really?)
I'm not even sure if it was our first date or just one day he dropped me off at my house. But he had driven me home from somewhere and walked halfway to the door of my house. It was still daylight (that's really all I remember. I'm gettin' old, remember?).
He stopped me from going any further to give me a hug. It was a good long hug. I love hugs like that. As he pulled away, I heard a smooch and felt a brush on my cheek close to my lips but not quite close enough.
I was stunned.
Did I just get kissed? my head spun a little bit. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to say something?
He just kept walking back to his car. I was so confused as he got inside. I managed to walk dumbfounded to the front door where it sunk in that I had actually been given my first kiss.
I kind of smiled because I was still in shock over the whole thing. I never mentioned it because I was never quite sure if it was intentional. Or if it even was an actual kiss.
There were many more after this. Many much better kisses. Much more kiss like. I'm not sure why, but this time sticks with me so I consider it my first kiss.
We dated the reminder of my senior year. He had graduated two years before me but still went to church with me (that's how we got together) but we somehow just puttered out after that.
Two years later, it began again. With a kiss. A whole different kind of kiss. (but that's another story.)

It's something.

It's been nearly a month since I've seen the boy.
I miss him.
and missing him is making me grumpy and unsociable.
Nothing... No one makes me me like him.
I've been sleeping a lot more than usual. I've been crashing before dinner, missing dinner entirely. Sometimes I'm asleep by 5:30. And I keep sleeping. I can't think this is a good thing.
I should probably talk to someone about this but who?

I started drawing again today. I haven't even picked up a pencil to doodle in a months. It used to be something I enjoyed... not sure what happened there. But I'm happy I picked it up again tonight, even for a short time.

I'm babbling, guys. Forgive me.
But at least I'm writing something.
It's not viable, but it's something.