Friday, September 29, 2006

Beautiful Stanger

Did you ever become completely fascinated with an absolute stranger?

There's this guy I see all the time, that I have never said more than hello to and don't even know his name. But I'm absolutely enthralled with everything about him, almost to the point of obsession. This is not to say I'm going to start stalking him, that's ridiculous.
There really is something to this beautiful stranger. I just wonder about him and where his intrests lie.
I never saw him before this year. We've locked eyes more than is necessary of two strangers coming across one another on normal occasions. There some recognition in both of us and I swear I see some irony in his eyes as well in the moment before I realise I'm coming close to the point of staring and drop my gaze.
Maybe its just my imagination.
He draws extremely well. He has a sketch that I could just get lost in amazement for hours at a time.
He latin dances like a pro. I'm excrutiating jealous.

One day, I'm just going to walk up to him and introduce myself.
One day when I'm not self conscious ...
... when I'm courageous ...
... when I look damn good and not like I just left the barn, for once ...
... when I'm feeling a little spunky ...
... when I've convinced myself that this is not

a crush ...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Don't Want to be that girl

"So... are you and M gunna get married?"

When he asked that, I just had to smile to myself. Shivers went down my spine and I closed my eyes to think about how I would answer. I don't like explaining my feelings to the boy, let alone this one. I know his thougthts on the matter but mine aren't nearly that clear. It was such a random question and completely out of left field.

Of course, I was relieved of explaining my answer since he then perceded to criticism my word choice. He wanted something simple yes, no, maybe so. I thought much to hard about it. But 'maybe' just seems far too inconsequential. We talk - rather, he talks like its inevitable. Me, I just go along with it. I don't know how else to respond. So I chose not to respond at all.
It's not something I've really thought that much about. I've always been much too independant to even consider it all that much.
I don't think it's a fear of commitment, but I don't know how else to label it. I just never felt like a girl to settle down. It sounds nice but I don't know if its for me.
The worst of all is that I don't have anyone to confer with on this thing. I'm afraid that speaking it along with confirm my doubts. That, maybe, I don't really love him, but I'm desparate not to hurt him. He's had enough girl troubles. I don't want to be that girl to break his heart again.

Thursday, September 14, 2006


He just lights me up. He can make me melt with just a few simple words.
Leave me speechless with even less.
A simple touch of his hand leaves me aching for more.
When thoughts of our time together, even in the purest forms, intrude on my day, I have to physically shake my head to stop myself from getting lost in the moment.
I crave his kiss night and day.
I kiss my fingertips to comfort myself when he's not here.
I swoon at certain slower songs that remind me of him.
He makes me want to dance more than anything.
I can't sleep with him but I don't sleep well without him.

And I still don't know for sure if this is truly love.