Sunday, July 26, 2009

What's a girl got to do to get some action?

It wasn't what I had hoped.
It was a back rub.
Just a back rub.
But nothing I had been craving.
He had been putting it off so long I had thought there would be more to it.
I guess that's what they mean when they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Fantasies and dreams take flight while waiting anxiously for the prize to come.
It was nice. I guess beggars can't be choosers.
But I had hoped it would lead to something a little more.
I mean, come on, isn't that what guys are supposed to think back rubs are for?
But no, of course not. Not this time, not the next time either probably.
What's a girl got to do to be seduced?

Monday, July 20, 2009


Day 107 - Sex SellsImage by margolove via Flickr

I've been thinking, dreaming, craving it for weeks now.
He promised me a massage.
His hands kneading the muscles loose from the cramped little knots that have been building for months. Fingers carassing my skin sending goosebumps out to my fingertips. His lips following, kissing up my neck to my hairline making me shiver.
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Because it was Monday.

red rosesImage by paparutzi via Flickr

He bought me flowers.
For absolutely no reason.
Because it was Monday, he said.

Silly boy.
He bought me roses.
Twelves blood red roses and babies breath tucked away in its plastic wrapper.
He had been stuck at work and I had felt bad that he was going to be so tired when he did get home. And he stopped on the way home to get me flowers.
Sweet boy.
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Wednesday, July 1, 2009


If I was honest with myself about how I felt about that place. I had fallen in love with the people and the land again. I felt a place where I could always belong again. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had found my Terabithia again. At least a close second.
And then that place turned its back on me. Threw me out to the wolves and broke my heart, shattered my confidence, and maybe even my dreams. It hurts to think about it now. I can't even look at pictures without feeling the ache in my chest where I thought I had found that feeling again.
I don't like it but I needed that place. I thought it could be a constant. That maybe, just maybe, I could settle there for a while. More than just a summer at a time. No more dreaming of the next time. I could be respected and treasured for who I was. I could be trusted to get the work done and be content.
Now all that has soured into feeling of grief, sorrow, and anger just wallowing in the base of my being. I'm afraid to try that hard again. I'm afraid to be rejected that hard right when I thought things were just turning around.
My dreams crushed for a second time. Why do I give people this power over me? Why do I lie myself on the block for them, torture myself for them? It's just a job. Isn't it?
I don't know that my dreams will ever be a job for me. It's just too bad that the job won't let me have my dreams anymore.
That place wrung me dry.