Saturday, October 6, 2007


So I'm single these days. Well for all intentional purposes for me. We have revised the break up to be just a break. I don't know what to do. I can't make just a clean break of it.

I still love him.

It's just not him I see myself spending the rest of my life with.

I wish I did because this would be a lot easier. I want something better. I want a diamond not a ruby - though both are precious. One is better for me.

I think.

I hope.

I just don't want to hurt anyone else.

I know I'm sounding very scatterbrained and vague. It's because I don't really know what is going on, what I want and what I don't want. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of everything.

Tonight, K put his hand on my back softly as he was passing. It seemed to stay there longer than it should have. I took comfort from it and wished for more. Not really from him of course. He's my boss and a cheating SOB to boot. I just miss that soft touch of someone caring.
I want a kiss. a fleeting simple soft kiss.
I want a hug. a long warm comforting hug.

I'm Tired...

I'm tired of the bar.

I'm tired of the drunk boys at the bar that just like to watch me shake my ass.

I'm tired of the drunk boys who want my number and then never use it.

I'm tired of people quitting.

I'm tired of people not following through with their promises.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm just tired.

I want to curl up in someone's arms and fall asleep before they do. I want someone to let me relax for just a minute. I want a hot bath and a back rub. I want someone to care enough to let me need them instead of the other way around for once. I need to cry in someone's presence and be comforted without them succumbing to tears as well.