Troubles

So I'm single these days. Well for all intentional purposes for me. We have revised the break up to be just a break. I don't know what to do. I can't make just a clean break of it.

I still love him.

It's just not him I see myself spending the rest of my life with.

I wish I did because this would be a lot easier. I want something better. I want a diamond not a ruby - though both are precious. One is better for me.

I think.

I hope.

I just don't want to hurt anyone else.

I know I'm sounding very scatterbrained and vague. It's because I don't really know what is going on, what I want and what I don't want. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of everything.

Tonight, K put his hand on my back softly as he was passing. It seemed to stay there longer than it should have. I took comfort from it and wished for more. Not really from him of course. He's my boss and a cheating SOB to boot. I just miss that soft touch of someone caring.

I want a kiss. a fleeting simple soft kiss.

I want a hug. a long warm comforting hug.