If I was honest with myself about how I felt about that place. I had fallen in love with the people and the land again. I felt a place where I could always belong again. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had found my Terabithia again. At least a close second.
And then that place turned its back on me. Threw me out to the wolves and broke my heart, shattered my confidence, and maybe even my dreams. It hurts to think about it now. I can't even look at pictures without feeling the ache in my chest where I thought I had found that feeling again.
I don't like it but I needed that place. I thought it could be a constant. That maybe, just maybe, I could settle there for a while. More than just a summer at a time. No more dreaming of the next time. I could be respected and treasured for who I was. I could be trusted to get the work done and be content.
Now all that has soured into feeling of grief, sorrow, and anger just wallowing in the base of my being. I'm afraid to try that hard again. I'm afraid to be rejected that hard right when I thought things were just turning around.
My dreams crushed for a second time. Why do I give people this power over me? Why do I lie myself on the block for them, torture myself for them? It's just a job. Isn't it?
I don't know that my dreams will ever be a job for me. It's just too bad that the job won't let me have my dreams anymore.
That place wrung me dry.
And then that place turned its back on me. Threw me out to the wolves and broke my heart, shattered my confidence, and maybe even my dreams. It hurts to think about it now. I can't even look at pictures without feeling the ache in my chest where I thought I had found that feeling again.
I don't like it but I needed that place. I thought it could be a constant. That maybe, just maybe, I could settle there for a while. More than just a summer at a time. No more dreaming of the next time. I could be respected and treasured for who I was. I could be trusted to get the work done and be content.
Now all that has soured into feeling of grief, sorrow, and anger just wallowing in the base of my being. I'm afraid to try that hard again. I'm afraid to be rejected that hard right when I thought things were just turning around.
My dreams crushed for a second time. Why do I give people this power over me? Why do I lie myself on the block for them, torture myself for them? It's just a job. Isn't it?
I don't know that my dreams will ever be a job for me. It's just too bad that the job won't let me have my dreams anymore.
That place wrung me dry.
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