Stomach, meet butterflies

He kissed me again.


'I just got rid of the butterflies after the last time,' I told him. 'Two weeks! Two weeks, it took me!'

'Really?'

'Yes'

'Lets go for three weeks this time.'

And then he fucking kissed me again!

Setbacks to writing

I'm definitely sensing a small problem with my blogging more. Firstly, I'm freaking cold. I could write in the living room where its warmer but then I always feel like someone's looking over my shoulder. So alas, I'm suffering with frozen fingers and draped with layers of clothes. Maybe I should try gloves...
Another is my life isn't all that interesting currently. Just a lot of work mostly.
A peer into my day would show

• Time with my dog.
• Time with the TV/computer.
• Time at work.
• Occasional drama with M.

Though the drama is my own doing. My craziness that makes me female. I hate it.
I wish I could go back to being a good kid with a good head on my shoulders. Life was simpler.
Anyway... I still have a story or two up my sleeve. I just have to get them out of my head and arranged satisfactorily on paper. I think that writing even simple stuff like this will help get me get back in the groove.
It's not like when I was in school and was writing something every day for class. Because I'm not being made to write, I've kind of gotten out of the habit. And so I'm attempting to remedy that.
And here I am...
...rambling. lol

Dreams are funny

Dreams are Dreams by ~olushia-loosiczka

I've been having so delightfully intriguing dreams the last couple days. They are strange but not unsettling. Not the kind where when you wake up you are off your game for the rest of the day.

Instead, the kind that almost uplifts you and makes you smile.

This morning's dream was so vivid and long. My parents backyard was massive suddenly and they had various empty flower box things everywhere. My best friend and I decided to do a little bit of gardening so we went outside discovering.

A few were full with various vegetables that were a bit scraggly. And one particular had what I thought were those live forever plants that my mom's side of the family adores. But they turned out to be hermit crab type animals with plants as tops instead of shells that grabbed your finger and scared the living daylights out of me. We moved those into a different box and planted wildflowers where they were.

Nothing really grew in the dream yet but we had high hopes for a beautiful garden after some rain and time. We discovered an old hand pump that had more of a foot lever in a shallow pit next to our garden. I fell through the thin plywood cover on the lever and started flooding the shallow pit that my best friend was standing in. With a tiny bit of panic during and giggles after, she jumped out somewhat more damp after. We covered the pressure lever back up so we wouldn't unintentionally trigger a flood somewhere in the yard.

After finishing our part in the new garden we discovered an underground house. It was huge and newly finished. Inside there was a bunch of game rooms, with a bowling ally and basketball court amongst the others. It super cool. My parents came down to play with us and enjoy the new hideout.

I don't remember everything else that happened. The last scene in the dream ended with me looking at the garden with fondness, even the hermit crab buggers, and hoping for progress and lots of color. I knew some of the seeds wouldn't take root because in some of the boxes we hadn't removed the gravel that laid above the soft dirt, just mixed the seeds in. But those that were strong enough would put root down anyway. I knew this and felt peace anyway.

I woke up to my dog jingling her collar feeling peaceful and rested and happy to greet the day. I almost hope I actually had that garden.

Sometimes life does funny things

New Life by *meppol

Like throwing a wrench at your head.

I miss writing. I haven't done it in so long. It's hard to write while living with someone. Especially when you want to write about said person.

I'm going to try to get back into the habit again this year. It's a tentative resolution because I'm terrible at resolutions. So I feel if I make it tentative, it will work out better.

Other resolutions I want to try to keep:

Pay down a significant part of my credit debt. I don't have that much but enough that it's going to take me a little while. That root canal and losing my job two years ago really did me in (that was three grand by itself). This is definitely where my tax refund is going to go this year as well as every little scrap of extra cash that comes my way. I think I'm going to set a tentative goal at paying off three grand by the end of the year. It seems reasonable. Especially if I get this new riding instruction job that I'm drooling over. (Shh... don't want to jinx it.)

Get myself and the boy in better shape. Mostly the boy. I'm not the kind of person that manipulates my boy because I'm vain or selfish but then I kind of am. I'm really just tired of him talking about wanting to lose weight and then never doing anything about it. So about a month ago, I did it. I pulled out all the stops, waterworks and tantrums, every trick in the book. Not proud of it but it worked. When he gets a job we're doing P90. I have to do it too. And cook all the food. Gah.

I want to try to be a better employee. I'm really pretty terrible. I mean I'm a super hard worker. It's just that my attitude starts off all roses and butterflies and then goes to dumpster diving and grunge after a while. I just get to where I sit on top of my high horse and know what I am doing. A little hard to describe. At best, I would call it a sort of perfectionist's complacency. Anyway, I'm going to try not to talk back so much at work and keep my nose to the grindstone and let the little things slide off my back instead of taking everything to heart and getting pissy about it. This is going to be so much easier since the one manager I was the worst with was fired over my vacation.

A friend of mine has started a daily blog of the war on her acne. I love the idea and I wish her the best. I'm trying to decide if I could do the same thing with one of my goals this year. We'll have to see.

Hmmm... the puppy is whining. I need to take her somewhere and finish my to do list for the day before I go to work at four.

Remind me to tell you about my newest drama later with the three kisses.

Lesson Learned

I think the thing that hit me the hardest when I actually got to camp that first couple of days was how much I actually missed the boy.
I don't get homesick. For anyone. Well, except for the pup.
And apparently the boy.
It took some adjustment that he wasn't just a phone call away and that I wasn't going to see him when work was done for the day. He wasn't there to describe the new experiences I was having, the new people I was dealing with...
I was a little shocked at myself how much I depended on having him near me all the time. And how much I had taken that for granted.


The big joke all summer was, of course, that I missed the pup more than I missed him. It wasn't true at all. I missed the boy desperately.

Sigh.
Camp is for learning about yourself.
Lesson learned I guess.

Damn Dog

Just for the record, having your dog pee on your bed is really annoying.

Especially because you never find until until you are really ready to go to bed and then you can't.
Instead of fondling your pillow, you have to strip your bed of its sheets, try your darndest to get the wet and smell out of the mattress topper, wash and dry the sheets and blankets, then remake the bed again. It's a whole issue.
And you can't really get mad at her, well, you can but she looks just so darn sorry after the fact when she knows she's in trouble that you don't have the heart to do anything worse but send her to her own bed after being outside for twenty minutes.
But then again, currently because of this issue I am up at 2:30 am writing in my blog that I have barely touched all year long. So some good can come out of having your bed pissed on after all.

Also, for the record, despite her messing my sleep schedule up by pissing on my bed, the damn dog is absolutely adorable.

How I spent my summer

I don't know how long its going to last but I'm trying for a more positive outlook in this blog. Life has been pretty eventful and boring at the same time however that works. So I'm going to try to turn a new leaf.
Let's see where this new path leads us.
Change can be good.
I worked at a summer camp this summer out here in northern California.
It was beautiful.
I giggled and squealed more than I care to admit.
It was hard.
I cried more than I care to admit.
It was thrilling.
I didn't sing nearly enough.
It was terrifying.

And I kinda want to do it again.

Hopefully more entertaining stories to come.