Up by my Bootstraps

I've had a terrible time keeping myself together lately. Little things set me off on tirades that last ten minutes or more. I need some time. Still.

I took a day away and drove four hours to go see the boy just to drive four hours back the same night to get back in time for turnout. I went to my old church and took my best friend out to eat but the reason I went down there was to see him. Just him.

The more time goes by the harder it is for me to ignore the feeling I get when he's not around me. I can't drive thoughts of him from my mind. It's surreal that I no longer have that control over my mind (and body) that every bit of me craves him when he's not here with me. I just want the shelter of his arms. The way that all my worries melt away when I look in his eyes. When I watch him smile, worries aren't the only thing that melts.

I know. I'm easy.

and... I'm gushing.

He has started calling me every night. It's odd.

Used to be, I did the calling. Used to be, I initiated most of the conversations.

Not anymore.

So strange.

But even my day away hasn't gotten my thoughts in order enough for me to function as well as I should. I've been sunk in this horrible mood almost all week.

Finally today, I was able to decide that I had had enough and drug myself out of the dark crevice in my mind I'd been hiding in for whatever reason. I'm trying to get back to my rubber band mode where even if things go wrong I can still smile and go on with life.

Pulling myself up by my bootstraps.

I will do it.

I can do it.

Ready....

Set...

Go.