Monday, March 2, 2009

Acting out?

I feel like I've worked my ass off at this job and have it all come to nothing.
Maybe my behavior the last month and a half hasn't been top notch but let's for a second consider that maybe I'm acting out a little bit.
Maybe I'm feeling just the tiniest bit

under appreciated.
When I started, I took on all the morning feeding chores. So much so that on one of my days off, neither Old Boss or Stuck-in-his-ways showed up to feed.
Not that I really blame them. I'm just trying to build my case.
I worked hard in the barn all day, never complaining. Tried to make everyone else smile. After work, I noticed that the ladies forgot to come get plates at dinner. Or the kitchen was in a rush
to get the food out. I would always pitch in a hand.
Need someone to get the cookies for lunch that someone forgot?
Heck, have a wedding? I'll help serve. I'll help do the dishes.
When Old Boss left I was left in charge of all the ordering and scheduling.
I did all of this in my own spare time. When everyone else was done in the barn, I went home to make the schedule (three or four times over, if need be) and order the supplies we needed. I made a lot of the paper work in the barn easier to read.
Now anyone can tell when a horse is due for shoeing if the paper has been filled out. All of this, I did in my spare time.
Need a babysitter? I'm here.
Need a temporary bartender? I'm here. I'll help.
I've never complained. I asked for an evaluation.
I was told I was doing a superior job (with a few nit picky spots of improvement).
I asked for a raise. I was told the money wasn't there. But I was told that I deserved one.
I got a pat on the back and sent on my way.

I was frustrated. I deserved a raise but there was nothing to give me. Nobody even offered anything instead.
I was given more side jobs. I did them and the barn job without complaint. I never asked for anything...
except for a dog.


'We'll see how the job works for you,' I was told when I took the job. 'But sure...'
After Old Boss left and I was asked to stay, I asked. 'Wait until after labor day'
So I waited, I looked at dogs when the time came but I was given all these conditions that the dog had to meet.
And then I was leaving for two weeks, I couldn't get a dog and then leave it while I went home in January.
So I waited, I get back to new management. 'You need a dog,' they said.
I started looking. I found one after thousands of false starts...
and it's now being dangled in front of me like a carrot on a string.
I don't get a yes or no. Just, 'let's wait and see'

And they wonder why I've stopped giving a crap about anything.
Why I've developed a bad attitude.
Maybe I'm being childish...
But I don't care.

Maybe I was just acting out.

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