I want to be better

I want to grow up.
I want to be the more mature person. The bigger person.
I do.
I really, really do.

But I'm not. I'm only 24. I've still got a lot of learning to do.

Today at lunch, I was talking to the last coworker I have who still tries to make me smile, Mo. We were talking about another job I had been moonlighting at. Bartending.
My boss at the bar is kind of a nitpick. All the bottles in the cooler have to be lined up just right, everything has to be kept spotless and just so... Basically, he likes things a certain way and he has good reasons for what he asks people to do. I get that. I can do that. It's easy. Do it his way and everything's cool.

Did I just say that? Like out loud?

Am I really that dense?
How is that boss any different really than Stuck-in-his-ways Cowboy (I've just decided to call him)? He just wants things done his way.

Sure, they seem pointless.
A lot of them are time wasters, maybe.
But in all reality, work doesn't take that long anyway. At least when there aren't guests around.
And he is my boss.

No, he shouldn't has cussed me up and down the Mississippi River.
No, he shouldn't have called me names. Perhaps I have been a tiny bit childish.

But then, I should be better with authority.
I don't know where my problem with authority comes from. Even my parents when I was young made me look up the word 'condescending' in the dictionary so I would know how I was talking to them.

If I knew what my problem was, I could maybe fix it. But I don't, so I'm stuck.
Maybe it's the fact that I pride myself on being independent and work hard to stay that way. I don't know.
Anyone out there in blog world know what I'm talking about here?


I hate realizing I've been wrong this whole damn time.
When is it my turn to say 'I told you so.'?